Major League Baseball comprises
30 teams inexplicably divided into a 14-team league (American) and a 16-team league
(National). Teams are typically owned by large
corporations with a knack for mismanagement or wealthy old fatasses who have
decided that buying a team might be more fun than buying Brazil. Teams are based
in cities willing to acquiesce to team-owners' demands for new billion-dollar stadiums
every decade or so. Teams names are of the form
Japan Professional
Baseball comprises 12 teams in two 6-team leauges (Central and Pacific). As in
America, teams are owned by large corporations. Teams are based in cities, but these
cities are typically not part of their team's name. In Japan, team names are of the form American fans are easy to classify. They are either Japanese fans are even easier to classify. Nearly all are insanely
loyal to their team. Every team seems to have 10-20 designated cheerleaders who start
songs/chants, choreograph the associated dances, wave enormous flags, and work the fans
to the point of exhaustion. It works. There was rarely a song/chant-free moment at the
two games we attended. Fans of the home team all sit on the right side of the field, further
facilitating cheering. (Daryl and I made the mistake of buying tickets on the Seibu Lions
side of the field for the first game. We felt dumb.)
A pseudo-celebrity comes out, throws a ball to the catcher, and
gets big cheers if the ball goes within 10 feet of the strike zone. A pseudo-celebrity comes out, throws a ball to the catcher and
the guy from the visiting team who apparently lost at junken (rock paper scissors).
The poor patsy makes an exceedingly lame swing and misses the ball by a mile. Hilarious.
American umpires tend to be big guys. Stone-faced guys. The sort
of guys who don't bat an eye when Piniella runs onto the field with a shotgun. Mind you,
given all the crap they get from players and fans, they probably cry themselves to sleep
every night. "Every time Lou throws a base I die a little inside." But you'd never know
given their gametime demeanor. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Japanese umpires were American
umpires in disguise. They look the same. They indicate strike/ball and safe/out the same
way. Hell, the home-plate ump even throws a new ball to the pitcher in the same girly way.
It leads me to believe that all of the world's umpires are bred in secret on some island
featuring a mountain shaped like Bud Selig's head.
$5.00/cup or thereabouts. 600 yen/cup ($5.12 at today's exchange rate). Price-gouging on beer is
clearly par for the course. However, Japan has an extra point in its favor - the beer girls
run around with small kegs on their backs and pour your beer on the spot, so you know it's fresh
and tasty. Much classier (and cuter!) than fat beer guys walking around with trays of tepid
suds.
American baseball has several venerable mascots, like
Mr. Met
and
The Phillie Phanatic. Unfortunately, the only American mascot I've experienced is
the Twins' "TC Bear". I hate TC Bear. Quality mascotting is all about mischief - stuff like
pantsing the ump, or Lou Piniella. But TC Bear is 100% treacle. Always positive, always
being nice to the kids, always on the up-and-up. Freaking goody-goody. He probably shits pure golden
honey and some roses or something. OK, clearly I have issues I didn't work out in therapy.
(To see every team's mascot, go here.
I had no idea most of these existed - check out the Padres' "Swinging Friar!")
The Fighters' mascot, "Fighty", is a baseball-lovin' pterodactyl. His
performance was antic-free, but my hatred of TC Bear leaves no room for other mascots in the
mascot-hating part of my brain. And Fighty rode around the field on a bike, which was kind of
cool.
American stadiums have a net behind home plate, but that seems to be
it. If you get cracked by a line-drive foul, you should've been paying attention. Japanese stadiums are safety-conscious to a fault. At both games, we
had what would have been amazing seats if not for the less-than-invisible safety netting
running all the way up the first- and third-baselines (featured heavily in two of the pictures
below). It wasn't terrible, but I'd rather take my chances on getting clocked. The Metrodome "Kiss-cam" is the best. Nothing like going to a baseball
game with your sister only to suddenly have 10,000 people cajoling you to make out with her because the
Kiss-cam is trained on you.
In the 5th inning stretch, crews come out to tidy up the field. They are
accompanied by real live cheerleaders and a fake cleanup crew, all of whom dance to "YMCA".
All the ushers and security guards (who are dressed like cops, making it all the more hilarious)
come down to the bottom of their sections and attempt to lead the crowd in the dance as well.
My favorite tradition in sports, the singing of "Take Me Out to the
Ballgame." Followed by "God Bless America", the anthem of the
Christian Right and crappy music.
They play the home team's song. The Fighters' song is pretty catchy,
considering it does nothing other than jump up and down a major fifth. The lyrics are probably
awesome, but all I understand is "Fy-taaz."
The organist at the Metrodome is fantastic, it's a damn shame they don't
use him/her more. These days it seems to be more about pre-recorded music than awesome
organ improvisation. Sad.
The organist at the Sapporo Dome is fantastic, too! However, he/she
played a wide variety of popular tunes rather than jamming. A few of the fine selections: Players head to the locker room, shower, and return home to roll in
their money. If the home team wins (as happened in both games we saw - Go Fighters!),
at least one player from the winning team speaks to the crowd and presumably thanks them for
their support. The entire team runs out on the field and bows the crowd as well. It's nice.
| [Sapporo Dome - Musical Caption] G3 A3 F3 F2 C3 |
| Inside the Sapporo Dome. |
| Kiddies got to run the bases before the game. They also got to meet Fighty and those big ball things. Each ball thing had a lovely female assistant. Lovely female assistants seem to be a very important part of life in Japan. |
| Fighty, riding around the field while the crew cleans up and causing no mischief whatsoever. For shame! |
| Oh yeah, they played a baseball game, too. |